Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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