what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
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