had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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