You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
