Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
