Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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