One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
