come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
