So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
