Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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