So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
