Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
