That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
