There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I supernannyed him into submission
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
