Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
