Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
