Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
True strength comes from lack of pants
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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