I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
