Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
