We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
