The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
