His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
