Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
