Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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