So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
bring money and cleavage
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
What a dumb baby whore.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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