I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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