good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
