i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
i barfeds in our rink
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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