i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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