put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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