Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
