After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize