I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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