she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
