I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Randomize
