We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
