last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
