Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
So much Jack, so little girl.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
