fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Randomize
