the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
