well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
