I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
