dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
