the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Randomize
