okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
