I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize