new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
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