I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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