his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
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