Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
