i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Randomize
