Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
FUCK WHALES
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
