I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
