I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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