Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
