If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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