the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize