it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize
