Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Randomize
