how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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