I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
