Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
