Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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