You just made me feel so damn special
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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