Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Randomize
