How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
