mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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