Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Randomize