I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
