My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize