I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
