I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
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