Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Randomize
