I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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